Yes, Love Makes You Crazy

It's been said that love can make you crazy. It's also said everything comes gradually, but at its appointed hour. In our case, both are true. Loren is the love of my life, and has been since the first time I saw him on that beautiful Saturday evening in October of 1979 (yes, we are that old already!). I was a junior at Dowling. My girlfriends and I, being the cool chicks we were, had been scooping the loop in downtown Des Moines when we met some guys who were juniors at Roosevelt. We yelled back and forth between the cars, participating in the time honored ritual of flirting. Ah the innocence of youth. We made an arrangement to have a couple of the guys get into my car, and a couple of my friends move over to the other car. You'd never do that today (or at least MY daughters better not!). We drove around town for awhile until one of the of the young men suggested we drive over by his house on Cottage Grove to see what action was happening there and if his neighbor, a senior at Roosevelt, might be home. As we pulled up and parked, this amazing looking boy came out of the front door of his house and walked down to join our group. We all started talking with each other and I tried to concentrate on the conversation, but my attention was focused only on him. You know those movie plots where the girl sees the really hot guy walking toward her, and it's all slow motion, and time seems to stand still? Well, that's how it was for me when I laid eyes on him. He was slender, muscular and really handsome. He was dressed in a t-shirt, blue jeans and tennis shoes and had this way of walking that made me want to watch him forever. He also had the most amazing smile that was warm, kind and still really sexy. Amazingly enough, he walked right toward me and struck up a conversation. He said his name was Loren Strait and as soon as he smiled at me everyone else in the group disappeared. It was as if it was just the two of us, and we talked for what seemed like hours. I was in love. I had never felt anything like it before.
As it started getting late and we realized we would have to leave, he asked me if he could call me. On the outside I was calm, and, you know, like I said, really cool. On the inside I was screaming, "Hell yes, you can call me!!!!!!" So I gave him my number (I couldn't write it fast enough!). Soon after we started dating and spent as much time together as we could. We went to football games, basketball games, movies, out for pizza; all the things high school kids did back then. He introduced me to several of his good friends, and they immediately became mine. We were a tight group who shared a lot of fun and laughter. We enjoyed the same music, the same humor, the same music, the same clothing styles. Did I mention the music? Music was very important to us. We would drive around for hours with the radio blasting Eagles, or Queen, or STYX. Every couple has their song. Loren and I had two: Longer by Dan Fogelberg, and Babe by STYX. Funky Town by Lipps Inc. was the deviant song that Loren and Beej would sing along with, while Karen and I would laugh and try to insert something during the duet. But the group favorite was Paradise By the Dashboard Lights by Meatloaf. Every time that song played we'd sing at the top of our lungs! All of us. Together. It didn't matter that we didn't sound good. We were having fun!
But Loren and I were inseparable, committed to one another, and madly in love. I think he asked me to marry him after only a couple of weeks. I, of course, said yes!! We had it all planned out, you know. We would graduate high school, go to college, get our degrees, get married and have a wonderful life together. It was going to be the fairy tale everyone hopes for! Life would be perfect!
But since fate always interrupts the best of plans; we didn't even end up staying together through his graduation that spring.  He went off to college and I still had one more year of high school to endure. We did stay in touch a bit through my senior year, through letters and a few visits. I had even asked him to take me to my senior prom. But he ended up breaking his ankle, and I ended up going with someone else.
We parted ways after that until about two years later. I was driving through downtown again when I saw a man jogging. He was a familiar looking figure, and as I was passing him I turned to look and was so surprised I almost crashed my car into a telephone pole. It was Loren! I stopped the car, called his name and he came over to talk to me. He got into my car, we chatted about life and destiny, and where our paths had taken us. We knew we still had very strong feelings for each other so we decided to try again. We dated for a few short months, but it wasn't meant to be. We broke up again. Here's where your mind should flash to Chris Farley on Saturday Night Live as he's hitting his head screaming, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" with me in the role of Chris Farley.
We followed the same paths just not together; college graduations, marriages, children, jobs, homes, divorces, aging families; until suddenly over twenty years had come and gone. Then one summer afternoon I was picking up my youngest daughter from daycare. I signed her out, grabbed her belongings from her cubbie and headed out the door toward the car. As I was walking across the parking lot I heard a familiar voice behind me say, "I know you !" I stopped dead in my tracks, certain I was hallucinating. It couldn't be. There was no way. Had I really heard that wonderfully familiar voice? I turned slowly and there he was! Loren! After all the time that had passed he hadn't changed at all! He was still handsome and charming, with that wonderful smile I remembered so well! I was back in 1979, with all the old feelings rushing back so forcefully I thought I would faint. Now, I had thought of him often over the years, wondering where he was, what he was doing, if he was happy. I had even told my daughters about the fact that he was my first love and how I hoped that they would be fortunate enough to find someone like him.
So there we were, having a conversation about where we'd been and what we'd been doing, catching up on family news. He told me he had married and had two children, a boy and a girl. I told him I had also married and had three children, all girls. He told me he had fulfilled his career dream. I told him that I was happy for him. We parted ways after that and didn't see each other for almost a year until we ran into each other at daycare again. I had been thinking of him constantly over that time, enduring some painful personal issues. But we knew we wanted to be together, and we decided that we would no longer put it off. We had already waited twenty-six years, we felt we were ready for a relationship. We have been together ever since.  I cannot picture myself without him. He is the love of my life; the other half of me. You could say we are lucky that we've been given another chance at our life together, or that it's just coincidence that we met again after so many years. I prefer to think we have finally reached our appointed hour. That perfect life we dreamed of having as kids is certainly NOT perfect. And we are no longer the kids we were all those years ago. But it is our life, and it's the kind of life that is perfect for us. We work on it together, always talking, always touching, always laughing, always loving. And with 5 kids between us, it's always interesting and lively. So maybe we are crazy, but it's a good crazy. I wouldn't trade it for any other life. And that's how it should be. Loren you are my life and my love and together we are home. Grow older with me. ;-)
                        
               Mary


Okay, so you've heard her side of it. Now it's time for the stuff your mom won't let you talk about....well, okay, I'm not going to go there but I will tell you how we see this very much akin to one another. It truly was an October evening when I heard voices out in front of my house. Jack,  my neighbor was out there with women I had not seen before...which means they were people who really didn't know him. As I spied through the window I saw her. I didn't know who she was but I was going to find out. Promptly I walked outside and joined the conversation. Mary, Julie and Monica were standing there. All I could see was Mary. Those eyes. That incredible smile and a laugh that lit up the night sky like none other I had ever seen. We all talked, laughed and before it was over I had a phone number. Yep. We dated. She talked. I drooled. She smiled. I drooled. She held my hand. You know where this goes. Love. Yes, young, yes idealistic, yes unenlightened but meaningful and powerful nonetheless. I was enamored with her and couldn't understand how she could let me get away with all the insanity that came with being around my friends. Mary became a fully enmeshed part of my life. My friends, who were and are not to this day to be confused with stable individuals, were now hers. Especially Beej and Karen. We spent much time together and often, very often, you would find Mary and Karen rolling their eyes at the antics of two young high school boys. This is just a small glimpse of what occurred from early fall to early spring. As Mary pointed out life did take a road travelled by many. Yet, that road seemed to be more of a winding path that would turn in upon itself. Mary and I met shortly after high school and tried again. Then later when she was well into college. That is when the roads truly did diverge. I cannot tell you how many times I would think of Mary through the years while I was off getting my bachelors and masters degrees. I would hear a laugh that was amazingly similar or see that same kind of smile I saw from her wondrous face. I would hear the songs that reflected that time in our life and cherished those that were designated as "ours". You know the ones: Babe by Styx and Longer by Dan Fogelberg...but of course so many others as well. We found great similarity in music though I would have to admit it must truly have been love that kept her tolerant of my strong penchant for Gary Numan. Yeah thats right. I said it. Gary Numan! Years passed. I moved to Missouri, Indiana, Kansas and finally back to Iowa. Who would have known she would have been there. I stood behind her and those emotions that tell the heart to say something, anything, led me to say one of the most intelligent things I've ever said..."I know you". I know you? Really? Is that what I said?The words came out and she turned and that was it. Again. My heart found it's home. So here we are. Two hearts and five amazing children that bring tears of joy. Why five? Because if there was six I would be vexed enough to have to try to come up with my own words to the tune of the Brady Bunch and that's just not a place I want to go! Well, let's be more accurate. The day we moved into one household it was two hearts, five kids, two dogs, two cats, two hamsters and a snake! Oh yeah...a snake! Not some poor little colorful "oh let it lick your finger" kind of snake. A constrictor. I told the boy "no", I'm confident I did but there it was larger than life...well larger in the middle due to the rat it just ate...blecht! Here we are. Mary and I. She continues to be the most beautiful woman I have ever known and when she puts her hand to the side of my face (gently... she's a pincher not a smacker...praise be to God) all the worry and frustration and struggle of life fades away. She is my home, my conversation partner, my confidant, my playmate, my friend, my love, and so much more. Each day presents itself with the opportunity for fulfillment and I can say that such is the case not because of me or her but because we do this together. In this small house of seven, pets not included but batteries are found in the kitchen drawer to the far left, there is laughter, frustration, thoughtfulness, sheer lunacy, and especially in the summer months Smirnoff Ice or a good fruitful bottle of Iowa wine. It is amazing how different each child is and how the differences of history and child rearing come to play. Oh, you may think it's simply a package of Ramen noodles but to some poor boy surrounded by females of lesser tolerance the act of eating the last package can lead to an elongated endeavor of enterprising estrogen plotting his demise! We have stories to tell. Experiences to share. Blending a family is a real hoot! I'm almost fifty...I can say hoot if I want to! Not only do we want to share the insanity and laughter but we want to capture the moments that fade so fleetingly like a road that presents itself again and again but is lost in the simple glancing of eyes to another direction. Ours is a road not of regret but of joy in the rediscovery of finding one's heart and the gift of love once lost along the way. I am still madly in love with you Mary and I am thankful that we are here, home, together. My kids, your kids, all our kids, and with it the stuff that makes this house a place of mayhem and pondering. After strong debate we have decided that parents are not to eat their young not so much because the human body really doesn't like that much protein but because they are under our skin enough! Seriously, they are wonderful, unique (like everyone else), intelligent, witty, creative and ours. I revel in journeying this road with you. Mary, I love you.
                  
                     Loren